Ralph Wiggum Pitiful cootie / Springfield Elementary Turn-Ons: Crunchy dog biscuits; thick, luscious grass; juicy mud pies; sweet, mouth-watering paste. Future Profession: Cafeteria cook Claim to fame: His dad is Chief of Police. Secret shame: Doesn't know what a "police" is. Age: 8 Son of: Clancey and Sarah Wiggum Favorite food: Paste Crush: Lisa Simpson RALPHS QUOTES "I think I wet my bed." "(singing) He steps on the clutch and the toilet goes flush, Hail to the...(Skinner:) Shut Up!" "I'm going to eat chocolate 'til I barf!" "...and when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life..." "My cat's breath smells like cat food." "You're right, I don't brush...I don't brush!" "(whining)That's enough...that's enough!" "(Skinner:"Wiggum, Ralph")I won!...I won!" "My knob tastes funny." "My face is on fire!" "Me fail English...That's un-possible!" "I bent my Wookie." "...My worm went in my mouth..." "Weeee...oww, I bit my tongue." "UhUhUh...I don't feel right." "Will you cook my dinner for me..." "I ate all my caps...OOO!" "I'm Idaho!" "I don't know." "It's still funny...but not "ha-ha" funny." "Somebody took my juice money." "What's for lunch tomorrow...chicken necks?" "Hi Lisa...We're going to be in a pie." "Oh boy...sleep...that's where I'm a Viking!" "Oh No!...Run!" (he's not really saying anything...just whining) "My parents won't let me use scissors..." "...I don't have a red crayon...I ate it." "...I glued my head to my shoulder." "You choo-choo-choose me." "Can I walk you home...Val-en-tine?" "It says choo-choo-choose me, and there's a picture of a train." "So...Do you like...stuff?" "...I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds..." "...The tar fumes are making me dizzy..." "I love Lisa Simpson and when I grow up I'm going to marry her." "Leave me alone, I'm here to play George Washington." (As George Washington)"...Away with you lest my cane find your backside!" "...It says bee, and there's a picture of a bee on it."